Ah, the blog. You know, I don't. I don't know why I even bother. Who can you depend on if you can't even rely on your siblings to respond to your messages? It's disheartening, and sad, and I can't do anything about it except forget about them. The shitty part is how it affects they way approach new people. It will take me some time to recover. It's a shame I've invested all I have, it's hard to see any value with so little return.
My insides are rusting...
A creative thought. I'm finished summarizing the chapters we're covering in chemistry. It is nice. Now I can focus on practice problems, prelabs, lab write ups, and moodle quizes, not to mention my RDA readings and midterm, and my social psych major presentation and research proposal. I must be making a mountain out of a mole hill, I'm taking 3 courses!
One of the girls I like to see was in the studio today. I was playing the Police and working on my core. I'm not sure why she was looking, but she did. She's so attractive! Not a single email in my hotmail inbox, it makes me wonder who else is out there for me. I've been thinking about the end of my degree. To date, I'm still here afterward, working at the restaurant I guess. I hope they'll be able to provide me with adequate hours, and I'll be able to stay where I'm living. I'm not sure what to look for. I don't have a lot of savings and I've been putting a lot on my VISA. I get a thrill out of that. The thing is I need cash to make rent payments. I guess I could make a cash advance if I really had too. I'm ready to put another 800$ down on my VISA. That would bring my VISA down to below 2800$ and leave me with about 900$ plus whatever money I earn at work from now until the end of May. Two months rent, two months telephone, two months VISA basically works out to 900$ which means I'll be broke at the beginning of May. I guess I'll have to stay and work (if I can) and plan for June 1st. If I want to travel it will have to be on credit. Full-time at minimum wage is not going to cover my expenses, but hopefully it will be enough to put me in a position to make something happen.
Comedy and writing sketches. I just read through the Wikipoedia entry for John Belushi. The man died at 33. Won an award at 28. Otherwise I was just checking out the nearly 7000$ Moog guitar. I had a lyric I was going to write...
or a joke, that would be alright. I put a little work into my label today, creating a Reverbnation profile page for White Lion Records. After reading about Belushi I think I'll have to go back and recreated my facebook page and call it White Lion Studios.
Reasons for the goals I set. Why? I feel as though I lost clear sight of my purpose a decade ago. Now's the time to write it down in big bold letters so I can see it whenever I feel frustrated.
Why? To get good grades. Why? To graduate. Why? To feel a sense of accomplishment. Why? To help me tackle the next challenge.Why? To continue learning. Why? To feel good about myself. Why? If I'm going to live I might as well enjoy life. Why? I don't want to be unhappy. Why? It's uncomfortable. Why? Because the future is uncertain. Why? I can only make predictions based on experience. Why? The future has not occured. Why? Because it is beyond the present. Why? That has been it's definition. Why? To help the humand mind grasp the concept of time. Why? So we can make better use of time. Why? To see what it is we're able to accomplish. Why? That is what some of us enjoy doing. Why? Such behavior has proven to be rewarding in the past. Why? Somehow the behavior was linked with the reward of having a need fullfilled. Why? Evolution.
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