Community

The online world, knows what it wants.

Follower by follower, your following emerges.

The art community, I am sorry. I have not been there for you.

The music community, I am sorry, I have abandoned you, time and time again.

The working world, I am sorry.

Dear family, sorry.

Gee,

The reading world,

The world of gaming

I have a lot of community.

Out of Focus

Why?

The most important question of all.

Observations. Accepting the way things are. Accepting the way things are going. Accepting the way things aught to be. The way I think things aught to be. Setting goals. Encountering obstacles. Applying myself.

The effect of others.

The effects of interacting with others.

Choosing how I interact with others.

Presentation.

Prediction.

Believing.

Desired outcomes.

Generalizations.

This is peripheral.

Help is on its way. Maintain focus. Pay attention. Do what you feel is right. Respond to criticism with assertive behaviour.


Demonstrate the existence of your cash flow.

Motivation: to approach, to avoid. aka reinforcement and punishment.

Post desired behaviour reinforcer
Post undesired behaviour punishment

positive = adding something
negative = removing something

Wedding Day

Redifining Marriage:

Marriage is.

Marriage was.. Marriage was a union between two individuals, husband and wife, sanctified in the presence of a liaison between the couple who wish to consummate, God, and the society of which they belong.

Marriage is no longer between two individuals. From hence forth marriage will be between an individual and their ideals. Marriage is a commitment to the self, to pursue the highest self. Marriage is a bond between man as he is and man as he wishes to be.

The wedding band is a symbol for all to see, a symbol of this commitment to self and integrity, a reminder to be present, to be whole, to be all that one wishes to be.

A commitment ring. 

Belonging

To have someone to seek you, to find you, to ask you..

'how are you?'

To be left alone.

Who do you want to call out to? Your family? Is there any progeny it it?

Perhaps. A meeting through them with someone they know.

Oh Isolation. Your voice is gone. Oh mother voice. Mother me. Love me.

I am smothered by the absence. I wish I felt wanted. I wish I felt like I belonged. I wish I felt desired.

I wish. I am tired now, drunk on wine, a muscle in my back aches.

It is nice out, but my heart bleeds inside. Woe, the approaching days of torment. To see her, to hear her, to want, to never know her again.

Woe, desire. Another. To court. Oh the futility of it all! A breast to love all the days of my life, starting one day, and lasting for eternity, only to have her flee.

Am I so monstrous? My feelings, are they so frightening? My desires. Do I lack? Am I not complete?

Perhaps rest will be able to restore my good humor. Here, and now I am comfortable. Dying alone. Accepting such a fate brings sorrow.

Where is there joy? In my mind. I create joy for myself. It is in myself I find joy. Having another to share it with is secondary.

I am wrought with passion. To desire, to long, to want, to be unable to hold another, to be unable to attract another, to be unwilling to venture beyond the gate of my dwelling and lure another in.

Impossible, I can not believe it. However, I must. Out of necessity. I am driven. Hard wired to procreate. I'm not sure what the problem is. If I only new, then I could begin working on a solution.

Maybe it is just that I need rest, and the world needs a rest from me. Perhaps an eternal rest from each other, I do not know. I will however begin. I will feel my soul, and free my woe from it. The pain, the suffering. And in it's absence, joy and happiness will persist. Worry will subside, and the pleasure of each moment will relish in my being.

I belong. I am. Here and now.

Sharing

Something to share with someone.

Eliminating perceived rewards extinguishes behavior.

What rewards do I respond to best?

Didn't I

I made a post last night,

Didn't I?

Didn't I make a post last night?

Pity me, I want your sympathy.

Value me, I want your money.

Ignore me, I want to stop.

Didn't I?

Visual Art for the Visually Impaired

Irony

Yesterday, I reconnect with Twitter and spend hours linking to those I claim to follow.

Before calling it a day, my mobile device is activated, and I am able to allow selected users to send Tweets to my cell phone.

I choose one user; Steve Jobs.

Today, after a long, cold, and stormy day, I activate my cell phone's internet connection so that I might connect with Twitter and digest the feed I've cultured.

The first thing I discover, is that Steve Jobs has sinced passed.

I only wish I had recorded the Tweet I'd favored and retweeted not so long ago. 

Dear Diary

I've gone and done it again. Another day-in-the-life.

I handled myself with expertise. It's raining now.

Today was a dark, over cast day. The day is over. The night has begun. I am awake, but not for long.

I hope.

Non-linear accelerator

Wow! It's been about 11 months since I've made a post. Don't get me wrong, I've written drafts, and I have made posts on other sites, but not on this one.

Something else I haven't done in a while is make a post on scribd. I think I tried to post some music at one point but was unable to export a pdf document from Sibelius.

My life, I assume like most, does have it's turbulence. I am doing well enough for organizing what time I do have and finding activities that interest me to occupy it. I do have too much of it though.

Today I was interviewed for the position of short order cook for the south end diner. I'm not sure whether I got the job or not, or whether or not I want it, or need it, I've been unemployed for about 6 weeks, longer really, but it wasn't as noticeable while I was in school.

While researching interview skills I imagine a goal I'd had a one time to own a jazz cafe so that I might have a venue at my disposal. Perhaps it is a worthwhile goal? And if I get the job at the diner, I could very well be there a long time. Adjusting to the pace and space may take some time. The kitchen is small.

Anyway, that was this morning, actually nearer the afternoon.

This morning was very routine. I did well to accomplish that which I must to feel prepared, then I discovered the interview. While I waited for the interview I went through my lesson material. It was great to get playing so early. I've been taking it pretty easy all afternoon. I worked on a few song charts and played some video games.

I was looking forward to my walk with Kate, she was called in to work though and she's still there.

So what does the future hold? Mornings are shaping up nicely. Volunteering at the Dal Bike Center is pretty sweet. Practicing is really rewarding, and I might have a job soon enough. I think that will be alright. I'm not entirely convinced.

I was reading an article online about creating multiple streams of income by creating value. I know I've thought over my ability to create value in the past. I am coming to conclude that I am able to contribute in a way that does create value. Through my interests in music, and psychology, electronics, the wilderness, bicycles, food, love, optimization. It's easy to say, harder to prove. I guess I'll have to find an example to follow.